There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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