An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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