Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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