Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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