you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
