Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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