I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
