i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
