You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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