I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
