he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
