So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
