The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
