why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
and you fell through a lawn chair
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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