are you still at the devil's house?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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