You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
