Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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