my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
