eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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