After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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