So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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