There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
