she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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