did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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