Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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