you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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