i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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