We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
