i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
