Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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