I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
