I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
