he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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