He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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