Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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