Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
being pregnant is like rehab
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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