matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
