Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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