walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
