remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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