I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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