I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
