Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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