Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
