I wish I could teleport
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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