How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
