his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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