i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
