I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
