Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize