this boner is exhausting
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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