I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
