I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
