As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
