Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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