but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
