K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
