Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
