know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
