So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
