Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
