Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
