i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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