So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
