$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
