Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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