um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
