I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize