Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
